Rules for Being Unapologetically Me

There are thousands of entities, making millions off of telling me how to be healthy, pretty, skinny, curvaceous, sexy, fierce, {Insert any adjective here}. All of it under the guise of “self-help” or “self-care” but that’s bullshit because the first rule of self-care or “self-help” is always self-love and self-love demands I admit I am already all the perfect things and no one can tell me how to be anything.

It took me a long time to get to a place where I stop letting mainstream perceptions influence the way I love myself. To own myself in a way that gives absolutely no fucks about perception has been a long, hard-won battle. That’s not to say perception doesn’t matter, it is in fact how we judge the world we live in.  It is to mean that I’ve realized perception is a constant double-edged sword that tends to injure everyone and I want not a single thing to do with it. I’m about honesty…real, unabashed, bold, and completely liberated honesty.

The truth is, I recognize I am but a figment of your imagination, I am only what you perceive me to be. With that realization, I have learned to surround myself with only those who can see past any  perception they might have had of me. Those people, are my people and they celebrate me at my best and hang in there with me at my worst (you know who you are).  I am among those who allow me to be unapologetic about me and my life. And that’s rule #1….

  1. Surround yourself with unconditional love and honesty. Exclusively if possible but almost exclusively at least.
  2. Know yourself. Know your strengths and weaknesses, your triggers and you inspirations. Know yourself inside and out and don’t just accept it but love the shit out of it too.
  3. Know what you can control and control it like it’s your bitch.
  4. Respect yourself, your ideology and your convictions.
  5. Be honest with yourself, even when it hurts, actually, especially when it hurts.
  6. Never, ever apologize for occupying space, as a matter of fact, own the shit out of the space you’re in, wherever it is.
  7. Recognize who matters to you in your personal life and then stop giving a single fuck about what anyone outside that circle thinks or feels about you.
  8. Only be quiet cause you want to be.
  9. Be kind to  yourself.
  10. Say exactly what you mean to say and not what you think people want to hear.
  11. Use your love like a super power, be responsible, wise, and above all, generous.
  12. Take nothing for granted, you didn’t get the job because you were lucky, you got it because you deserve it.
  13. Taking good care of yourself is hard work sometimes, don’t be lazy.
  14. Don’t compare yourself, your abilities,  your accomplishments, or the life you are living to anyone else.
  15. Make sure it is worth the risk. Whatever “it” is.
  16. Don’t short change yourself, compensate for the gap, any gap, by demanding more, better, equal!
  17. Know that you are worth it.
  18. Define beauty, happiness, success, and the pursuit of those things your way.
  19. Set your boundaries, decide your deal breakers, and do not compromise.
  20. Celebrate yourself, every day, ritually in any way you see fit. This is your life and no one gets to tell you how to live it.

I think we all deserve to love ourselves better. I am worth that and so are you. I think we should demand that not only of ourselves but of everyone around us too. Be you, you are beautiful, you are loved, and you matter. You are making the world a better place just by being a part of  it and I don’t see why there is any need to apologize for that!


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