The Baby Chronicles: Two Pink Lines

The tale that lead us all to this moment is a whopper and I promise to dedicate some time to it but, not today.

We’re having a baby! That’s an epic sentence because we said we weren’t going to do that, for a myriad of reasons but mainly because the very idea of poopy diapers makes me gag.  We’d joke about the nightmare of sleepless nights and shirts full of vomit, like  a couple of veterans who’ve seen things. After our children were all safely tucked into bed, we’d sit up late into the night and sip our beer and wine, enjoying the silence and saying things like, “If we had a baby, we’d be too exhausted to enjoy this time,”

We felt full together, we share our children and the adventure of raising them and we didn’t think we needed any other thing.  Deep down, though, we did wonder if we were wrong about all of that. What if it would be really great to do this, one more time but, together? How would we handle those sleepless nights? What would our baby look like? It was with this sentiment that we just, sort of, let it happen and exactly one month later…two pink lines. Holy guacamole! This is really happening!

We never expected giving it one, single, last try, would result in an actual baby. We left it to fate, understanding that it usually takes many tries, over the course of many weeks, sometimes months, so this one try was a long shot (pun totally intended!). I should have known better, our whole existence as a couple was a long shot to begin with! Which is why, once the shock wore off, we understood exactly how meant to be this was.


So, let me just get a few things out of the way…I know I’m 39 and my eldest children will both be 15 when they meet this little one. I know for many, many people in the world 39 seems really old. I am also well aware that in reproductive terms I am “no spring chicken,” so stop “just being honest” with me! I give not a single fuck if you think I’m mid-life and your geriatric jokes are not funny. Yes, I see my grey hair and crows feet when I look in the mirror. Yes, I know that by the time this kid is in High School I’ll be in my fifties and I’m well aware of what starting all over again “at this age” really means. Turn all that ageist shit all the way off when talking to me, thanks.

We are happy with this very unexpected journey and we still feel like silly teenagers when we’re together. We are looking at this as the latest and greatest adventure for our family – we’ve been on quite a few already, we have no regrets!

It’s been seven years since I’ve been pregnant, a lot has changed (the good news, no amniocentesis the bad news, lots more lab work) but I am embracing it all and chronicling it here for you to follow along because it’s the 21st century and the only reason anything is real anymore is if it’s on the internet, right?

The first stop along this road…Hyperemesis Gravidarum…despite what that sounds like it is NOT a spell from Harry Potter. It is “persistent severe vomiting leading to weight loss and dehydration, as a condition occurring during pregnancy.” Or as I lovingly refer to it, a first class trip to hell. HG effects .5% – 12% of pregnant women, including The Duchess of Cambridge, Kate Middleton, so of all the lotteries I could have won, mine is kind of royal! I had pretty bad morning sickness with my first pregnancy but none with my second and certainly nothing like HG. Persistent seems like an understatement really. It seems way too polite. I would describe it as demanding and controlling nausea and vomiting that lasts until you want to die. I spent a week in the hospital, I lost 8lbs and it took me another 2 weeks before I could eat anything not jello and two more weeks before my abdominal muscles stopped feeling like I’d put them through a cheese grater. It was fun.


For any woman out there who understands what I am saying, nausea pops and Honey Nut Cheerios, have been a lifesaver. I was also prescribed Reglan (Metoclopramide) but my OB/GYN suggested I try to manage the symptoms as best I can without meds, which I have done by eating like a two-year old and sticking to a regimented routine. No processed foods, no fast foods, no junk foods…all natural diet and consistent grazing. I track my calories and take note of foods that really agree with me through an app called, My Fitness Pal. I finally made it to my 12th week and although I am pretty sure I will have “morning sickness” through most of my pregnancy, the nausea and vomiting are NOT persistent and both me and baby are gaining weight again.

Next stop on the road is our first round of genetic testing, pretty standard stuff I’m told, I’ll start reading up this week on all the things I can expect and I’ll be sure to share in our next installment of the baby chronicles!

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