I have a hard time opening up to people. I am definitely afraid of putting myself out there, I’m afraid of rejection. It’s alingering immaturity, the final vestige of the young, insecure girl I use to be. No matter how hard I try, she clings like a spoiled child.
I’m working hard to let her go and for the most part I don’t pay much attention to what people think of me, it’s none of my business anyway. To be honest (and I am ALWAYS trying to be honest) this is different, this blog is very much a reflection of the things I am most passionate about, so your acceptance is critical. I want you to love me. I want to be here for you, like a friend you can rely on, so you will come back and visit often.
I’m looking forward to getting to know you and gaining your trust. Your trust would be an honor. But, I know trust is built on candor. So today, I am opening up and letting you know a little bit more about who I am.
I hope you can relate:
- I have a filthy sense of humor, farts make me laugh, so does South Park, and my favorite movie is Robin Hood Men it Tights. (don’t judge me)
- Before I was a mom, I was single in NYC. I partied…A LOT…it was dysfunctional and self destructive. I didn’t love myself very much.
- I am riddled with self doubt. I don’t know why I can’t apply self love to my creative work.
- I’d follow my husband to the ends of the earth, barefoot, over glass if he asked me to. I don’t need him but I surely want him.
- I love and envy drag queens. There is freedom in femininity and freedom in casting off the trappings of femininity to be a man.
- I love my kids, they are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. But sometimes, I do feel overwhelmed and I do miss Jenina (the me I was before I was mom) and I hate admitting that.
- I hate shaving. It’s an intense, societal pressure and it’s so oppressive but I’m trapped by a hairless ideal of beauty and there’s no going back. I’m well beyond dying my armpit hair in protest.
- Cheese puffs, my most shameful indulgence. My “writing pants” are caked in Cheetos dust, it’s embarrassing. They are the worst kind of junk food but I love them so much.
- I have several pairs of “writing pants” they are usually flannel – I can not write in uncomfortable clothes.
- I think we are all beautiful. I believe in you and I will love you until it hurts, then I will love you some more.
Bonus Truth: I’m very forgiving and full of empathy but if I must pass judgement it’s usually harsh and unforgiving.
I am always learning new things about myself every day, for example, I am a passionate activist, militant in my quest for civil and human rights. I never knew that before I had kids, though I always stood up for what I believed. Also, even though I love cocina criolla, my favorite food is Vietnamese because it’s so different from the food I grew up with.
I guess these are more than just 10 truths. I tried my best not to be superficial about it, to be insightful and open in the hopes that you will feel comfortable enough to open up to me now.
Go ahead and leave me some revealing insights about yourself in the comments below. Don’t be afraid to be candid, I can handle it!